BMW F800S "The Heretic"
her·e·tic - Pronunciation Key [n. her-i-tik; adj. her-i-tik, huh-ret-ik] –noun
1. a professed believer who maintains religious opinions contrary to those accepted by his or her church or rejects doctrines prescribed by that church.
2. anyone who does not conform to an established attitude, doctrine, or principle.
If Shakespeare was into two-wheels he would write a sonnet about the F800S. If the F800 was around during the Middle Ages, it would be burnt at the stake along side Joan of Arc, for being too radical. And if the F800 would somehow incarnate during the days of the Salem witch-hunt, it would certainly be tagged a witch and be made an example no other Euro brand dare to follow.
The F800S is the devil that wears BMW.
Which twisted minds at BMW concocted this potion? A featherweight bike with a potent parallel 2 engine that never gives up, even at 130mph. A light-weight oddity that pulls hard regardless of what gear you’re in. 25mph in 5th gear? No problem. A foot deep flooded roadway, in 4th gear at 20mph, have no worries, it'll pull you through.
I hope I don’t have to spell it out, but the F800 is one impressive bike and it’s also a BMW heretic. A heretic you ask, yes, because, BMW motorcycles aren’t supposed to be this light, this fast and this much fun. And they don’t normally deliver almost 50 miles to the gallon. There is something very wrong here.
Recently, I rode a F800S for about 10 days. I remember the first evening as I hopped on a Flame Red 2007 F800S, after getting off my own K1200RS. My K-RS being a good 200 lbs heavier made the F800 feel like a toy. This bike is so light it tricked me into thinking I was on a F650. It wasn’t until the next morning when I was pulling a solid 100 mph in 5th, that it captured my attention -- wait one second I said, this is no ordinary Beemer.
F800S is a BMW heretic, because it shatters the common stereotypical concepts about BMW. I’ll list some of its advantages: It’s surprisingly comfortable, it practically corners by itself, it’s got plenty of torque, it uses BMW’s excellent switchgear, it has a very smooth shifter (a definite oddity), the wind screen is excellent and provides a very quiet ride, it has ABS, TPM, Computer function and heated grips, it rides real smooth even though the engine has a nice pulse and it’s a fuel miser. Now I understand why BIKE mag UK named it "the New Middleweight King."
It’s a witch because it brainwashes you into liking small street bikes. I liked only big bikes before I got on the F800, but now I have this odd urge to own a F800. It’s a witch I tell you; she puts a spell on you.
So, what’s wrong with it?
As any seasoned rider would know there is no such a thing as a perfect bike. OK, maybe the R1200GS and the K1200RS. Those maybe the only perfect bikes ever devised by man. But the F800S can’t be all that perfect, what are it's shortcomings?
Well, to be very frank, this bike has very few negative attributes, however the one thing that really bugged me was the conventional telescopic front forks. They felt like pogo sticks, specially coming off of the mighty Telelever and they aren't adjustable. If you're used to the amazing anti-dive properties of the Telelever or the Duolever front suspension systems on big bore Beemers, it’s very hard to go back to conventional forks. That’s basically the only shortcoming that I can tag on the F800S. Other than that, this bike is a screamer and its quickly becoming the favorite ride among BMW techs. And if that’s not enough endorsement, it’s being modified by enthusiasts to go racing. The BMW/Rotax 800CC, 85HP, 2 cylinder power plant of the F800S is winning the hearts of many enthusiasts across the country and don’t be too surprised if you find the F800 racing at an AMA circuit very soon.
F800S, the Devil that wears BMW.
S
(BMW, Buell, Aprillia, Rotax mix)
